I fix my eyes on You

I hear my voice ring out

I feel my heart reach out

But I am not so sure I remember how to do that –

How this ‘fixing’ works

I am saturated with thoughts and discoveries that have become my daily truths

Truths I know You do not share because if You did, I would have heard them first from You

But truths that saturate my days all the same

To fix my eyes on You is to rebuild walls I fear to erect

For walls protect but walls keep out… close in

I do not trust myself to know how to have it both ways

It is overwhelming the amount of thinking that I do

Even though I have no sway on a future I am yet to live out I cannot seem to fully let go of what are arguably the cares of this world

But I am in this world, am I not?

Should I not live? Not breathe because to live or breathe would be to care for things that mean nothing to You?

No…Your hand does not enslave

I shall live. I shall breathe.

And I shall need Your help in this fixing of eyes

Prone to wander…but with Your help

I fix my eyes on You

I hear my voice ring out

I feel my heart reach out

I do not know for how long but right here…right now

I fix my eyes on You

And tomorrow and the next, I shall make the choice to do so again

For although I am not sure I remember how this ‘fixing’ works

You do…and You have my heart as I have Yours

So try I will

Even if I will start again and again

Try I will.

 

 

 

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Translate

Its almost funny

It almost is

How i have forgotten how you speak

How i have forgotten how you touch

…forgotten how you see

I’m now the girl standing here staring into eyes I can only hope to read

I can only hope because I lost it when I looked away too long

Lost my power to read you

Lost my power to hear through your stare

…lost it all but my eyes to see you

Your lips part…

Your breath tickles and mists conversations I am shut out of because I am afraid to say that I can’t…

for the life of me I can’t read you any more…i can’t

and I am afraid to tell you to translate

Because I will lose you

I am afraid I will lose you…even though I already have

By Ang’asa

18 FEB 2017

via Daily Prompt: Translate

Yellow

via Daily Prompt: Yellow

Blue

Grey

Let’s go with black…

Let’s not lie…let’s pick what this heart feels to be home

Where my feet will not draw any attention to the pavements…where the soot will blend right in

Where I will not have to fill the silence with feels I do not know I can feel

Where demons don’t lurk but walk and taunt and screech as one passes by

Where faith and hope…where love cannot dare unveil their cloak

for the darkness will not taint them but suck them whole

Blue

Grey

Let’s go with black…

Let’s not lie…let’s pick what this heart feels to be home

Yellow days were meant to come…

maybe some day they will

and when they do, veils will fall and cloaks will burn

We will be alive even if just for a crack of day

…even if just for a penny’s worth, not a pound

we will be

Yellow days were meant to come…

Maybe some day they will but…

Let’s not lie…let’s pick what this heart feels to be home

Let’s fool the darkness as best we can and hide hope so deep…

So deep we forget we hold it inside

Its safer forgotten if we don’t lie, we will know its safer forgotten

Because yellow days were meant to come and someday

Maybe someday they will

Till then

Blue

Grey

Let’s go with black…

Let’s not lie…let’s pick what this heart feels to be home

 

#DailyPromptChallenge : 29 JAN 2017

Old Camel Knees. 9 parts.

hannah brencher.

Screen Shot 2015-06-10 at 10.53.19 AM

Part 1.

We prayed for three hours.

Three hours. That is worth repeating once more: three hours.

There is little that I do for three hours. In fact, there is currently a list— a very short list— of things I am capable of doing for three-hours blocks of time. Those things include:

Reading a good book.

Eating copious amounts of nachos.

Watching anything Bradley Cooper related.

That’s about it. It’s a pretty short list. Prayer has never made the cut.

Still, in spite of me, we prayed for three hours. This is all because I found myself stumbling into a small chapel on Saturday. It was instantly myself and four students of a ministry in Atlanta. I didn’t know a single one. Sprawled out across chairs in a small chapel, tucked in the back of a white brick building, I eyed the plain walls covered in Sharpie marker prayers.

“We’re…

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You do not give the heavy to the weak shoulders
I do not know what makes you think mine are strong more than half the time
I keep forgetting it’s not really about me
This strength I need comes from within for greater is He that is…
There are many things I now realize I have long forgotten
I need to remember
I need to remember…
That you are my peace – I do not create my own for what I need you have provided
That you are my strength – I should not lean on these walls…these walls that cave in
That you are the giver; laying tables before me
You are…
I need to remember that You are all I need
And that is enough
Stir my heart
Light a fire…blow away this cold
I need to feel you again
I need to hear you
I need to remember that You are
You are all I need

KK Sunsets

Cover

The technological strides in our world today bring our generation such conveniences as never before. With the wave of dealing deliveries and online everything, comes the convenience of having church without being in one. I am not against telecast ministries, on the contrary. I glean a lot from them.I do not have any problem with e-ministries. The inbox can attest to that 🙂 What i seek to speak of is a cover. Are you covered?

To glean of Him through whichever source is an important lesson especially to the many anomalies that make up living as we know it. But the value of belonging to an actual church, having the cover of not just a pastor. But the grace He bestows upon the house set apart, where two or three gather in His name is an important facet that we may be quick to let go of in our embracing of the conveniences available to us.

Only when planted in His house will we flourish in His courts. The fellowship of believers strengthens us and the cover of His altar blesses us.

Only when planted in His house will we flourish in His courts. The fellowship of believers strengthens us and the cover of His altar blesses us. I pray that He draws us to churches He ordains for these are different times. Many are just but beautiful halls with empty altars giving watered down wine to those who will walk through its doors.

That we may obtain cover and the impartation of graces much wiser than we. And with them not only grow, but be better equipped to fulfil Hiss will for us. You may have tried it before just to be turned away by the very arms you longed will welcome you home with an embrace. I pray that His healing grace may draw you back, that such may not stand between you and His inner courts. That He may guide us to shepherds He will use to guide us to the point of alignment with his will for us.

Seek not a perfect one, none exists. For if the church were without spot or blemish, w would be on the other side of heaven right about now. Rather. seek Him on the mater. he is faithful to answer and guide you not just to a church but to an alter ordained by He. to a family chosen for you. And there you will experience a rush as the rain falls and your roots are spurred and your leaves sprout in season. And there you will bear much fruit.

Lead me Back | The Rugged Cross

I do not know when or how i lost sight of you
Can’t tell when i traded that familiar weight…
Can’t tell when the thought of a pure heart stained dark failed to run a shiver down my spine
I do not know how i forgot the pain a million voices could not explain
…do not know when last my heart clenched when i looked up at the rugged cross
The filters set in casting glows so i could no longer see where the nails drove deep
…where the thorns ripped in
…where three words and a life set me free
The fog has settled in hazing everything in blacks and blues
Clouding, where once so clear, crimson scars held my gates open
I cannot explain how. I have tried
But there was that one moment when everything that was suffocated
That moment when i lost sight of you
I do not know when or how
But i can not bear to look and see the rugged cross no more
To be without your yoke, floating from wind to wind
…i cannot
Not anymore
Here in this hollow i stand…my sight has since blurred from blizzards past
I can no longer see
But if it gets me back to the foot of that hill
That hill from whose bottom i can look up and see the rugged cross once again
See it and feel my heart stir back to life as that familiar weight dawns on me….
If it gets me back, even without sight i will crawl
Lord i will crawl
Praying with each breath that even in this pit
I will still find that one road that leads me back
That one road that leads me to the cross

16/3/15

Leaning

It is becoming increasingly difficult
This leaning on everlasting arms
Because every once in an often while
I tumble over and realize I wasn’t really leaning on what I thought I was
I know the only way to let it out;
This fragrance kept so safely inside is like Mary –
To break this shell that holds it in
Yet often I’m afraid I’ve had it too long I forgo the value inside for the worth of the gates that hold it back
Mary understood what I have trouble remembering
That the box was to hold it all for just a while
That it became when its walls would let loose
I am afraid to break Lord
I am afraid
But You have not given me a spirit of fear
So help me find this strength You see in me
…this strength you leave in me
Because…
It is becoming increasingly difficult
This leaning on everlasting arms

If I Stay

Tell me You will make it right if i stay
There’s too much clogged up
Too much smoke in the mirrors
I don’t even know who i am anymore
You ask too much
Too much of a heart that’s wrenched dry
Too much from a hero…a hero that cannot save herself
Tell me You will hold me if i stay
My eyes refuse to dry
This heart beats but does not live
I wish i would let me be but i have two left feet…
Even with Your music i can’t seem to keep the beat
Tell me You will still me if i stay
For if this mind continues to hoard up what this heart refuses to process;
…if this heart continues to hoard up what this mind refuses to process
I will die
I will die before i would have lived
Tell me you will hold me if i stay
Its getting harder to climb uphill by myself
The air’s getting thinner, the pressure’s piling
I can’t trust myself to keep breathing
Tell me
Tell me You will love me if i stay
That in this fragile heart hidden behind wall after wall…
You will find a home
I have had to be strong for so long many times i’m afraid to let go – even to You
If i stay
Tell me You will stay if i stay
For certain death awaits if You choose to walk away
…certain death
Tell me You will stay…
Tell me You will make it right if i stay
Tell me You will hold me if i stay
Tell me You will still me if i stay
Tell me You will love me if i stay
Tell me You will stay if i stay
Tell me You will stay…
Tell me You will stay

© Ang’asa Malowa

Looking Right at Me

I have looked many times

Many times I have seen not what you beheld

Many times I see as far as my eyes can see

I’ve seen the deadness on my path

I have seen my hope flicker and sometimes blow off when the gales come too strong

I have looked many times, Lord

I have looked but

Many times I have not seen what you behokd

My heart has grown cold

My spirit, once sang…now whispers

For whispers cannot be heard

And what is not heard cannot be scorned when the dawn of which I spoke fails to break

I have looked many times

Many times I have seen not what you beheld

Yet still you say ‘Look again’

Why Lord…why?

Why would you have me look when I have not been one to see

‘Look Child’

My heart cannot bear another break Lord, yesterdays scorn still rings in my ear

‘Lift up your eyes…look’

Why should I Lord? Why?

‘Look’

For a minute I did

For that minute I saw not horizons drawn near

Not vineyards green and presses flowing

I saw not what my heart had painted as hope, as truth, as blessed

I saw in his eyes all that I was letting go

I saw it all

I had looked many times

Many times I had not seen what He beheld

Because all this time I wasn’t looking at Him

How could I have seen when all this time

I was looking right at me.

 

© Ang’asa Malowa