When Did I Stop Loving You???

When did I stop loving you?

Was it when I saw you walk away, farther from the light with each step

And still prayed for your return…still looked at the horizon

Hoping and praying I will see you in the distance

Coming back…coming home?

When did I stop loving you?

Maybe it was when your heart was broken

Broken because you lost the love you had

So broken you didn’t see that my hand was upon you even then

To ensure you stayed not in a season past…to make sure you stayed aligned to your purpose

Aligned to your call?

When did I stop loving you?

Perhaps when your friends were the thorns in your flesh

When you were all alone…left in the dark

And I stood with you when you couldn’t walk, carried you when your strength failed and sat with you when all you needed was rest?

When did I stop loving you?

Tell me when because I’m yet to see when my heart beat to a different rhythm

Than to love…my love for you

Tell me…

When did I stop loving you?

27/04/12

©Ang’asa Malowa

Just had one of those really bad days when the hurt, anger, bitterness and confusion were a tide so high it swept me away. I tried talking it out but the bile was too much to let go of. So I turned to the one person that’s always there this time not in thanksgiving or in joy but in a rage. See, I’d thought things were falling apart with only one logical reason: God was either having a blast taking me through this horror or He somehow just didn’t love m today. Today, He spoke so clearly and asked me more than I could write up. He reminded me of so much I’d let slip…reminded me that I need to knockout of my pain and think with my heart and my mind. He asked me when He stopped loving me…and I couldn’t answer because even in my rage I knew the truth. I knew He is love and that will never change. Now the seas are calmer and I’m taking a good look at my life and realizing that in many ways, it is true that someone stopped loving. And that someone was me. We ask Him when He stopped loving us when many times we’re the ones who should be answering that question.So as I rearrange my life and my priorities, as I work to find out when and why and how to fall back in love with Christ, I pray that He guides me. I can’t do this on my own. And I pray he guides you, like me, to realize He never stops loving us…but we do. And now we need to go back to when we loved Him like He loves us.

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