Buried but Alive

Six feet under…

Pushed down beneath the weight of all the cover

Beaten to submission or simply hidden in the farthest corners

Far from reach…far from sight

These thoughts i knew i could have no more, these feelings i knew i should bar

These people, these places i felt i should keep away

Keep away if i wanted to live this life,wanted to walk this path

Keep away if i wanted to live with You…with You in me

I forgot that hidden doesn’t equal to no longer existent

Didn’t think that i’d only let the hibernate…grow stronger, grow wilder

Just waiting for their season to awaken

I didn’t know they were buried but still very alive

Didn’t remember just like any problems

My addictions needed rehab to get over…my faults needed filling

My heart needed mending,my mind formatting and my soul…

That needed some more lightbulbs to flood the dark away

I thought reading Your word…praying…going to church and serving

I thought those were the remedies…as long as i kept my unrequired desires locked away

Buried off deep inside

I buried them alright, but they still breathed

and now i’m overwhelmed because they’re waking up and i don’t know what to do

How to deal with what they make me become

Lord…i tell you this:I need your help…i need rehab and i need it fast

Teach me that word and prayer will only push me so far into your prescence

If i continue to ignore issues i need to deal with, bury pieces i that need mending or hoarding stuff that i need to let go

Teach me to be as practical as You were

You need me to work on my weaknesses and not run away from my faults…not hide them by hiding behind your word

Teach me that you do not need a reader of your word…a minister, a worshipper

Who’s in your courts hiding her brokennes, her hurt, her dirt

You desire that i dig out what is killing me from inside

So you may help me heal…so you may be my all

Lord, teach me to be true to me, to You

I don’t wanna bury my weaknesses any more, i wanna deal with them

Don’t need them buried but alive

Don’t want them to kill me from inside

Help me see, help me open up, help me learn

Help me understand that buried desires, thoughts, feelings..

Anything I keep from You… keeps me from You

Help me.

19/5/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

being a christian doesn’t mean we cease to be human…we still have weaknesses to work on, realities to embrace, lots to learn and vices to let go of just like everybody else. It doesn’t help to dive into ministry, fellowship, His word…if its only as a means to run away from facing the reality that is: we need to work on dealing with issues, not burying them.

No one quit drinking by pretending they never did-at least no one i know. We all have something we need to work on but keep burying in the hopes that it’ll go away…its buried but still alive and it will wake up someday. So deal with it now. Being christian exempts no one from living life as human, it just gives the grace to help us live it.

Are you a christian?Dig out those buried living issues and seek help if need be, work on them. Be abetter you not just for yourself and the people you love but for Him who did all He could to ensure you’re not ashamed or afraid to admit and accept your weakness, because that’s the first step to building your strengths. Think about it 🙂

just read this and it got me writing this 🙂 so please check it out 🙂 http://www.fabsharford.com/?p=1032

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