Just See Me

Can you hear the melodies of this life within the storms?

Can you feel the love warming up your heart inspite of rain?

Can you see the stars behind the clouds…

the joy beneath the pain?

If you can’t see these…just see me

© Ang’asa Malowa

25/1/13

in the shadow of His wings we find relief…He that knitted our days before we were; He that watches over the sparrows…watches over us. sometimes its too blue to see the yellow, too gray to make out what is from what should be. Sometimes all i want to do is hide and scream because i’m too frustrated to speak. When i can’t see, when i’m too angry to think, when i can’t feel  “the joy beneath the pain…”; i look at Him…just see Him. It may take forever but when i do…my heart stills #peace. and in that moment, even if i still can’t hear the ‘melodies of this life through the storm’; i see Him. That makes a world of difference, thats the floater that keeps me from sinking away…

If you can’t see these…just see me

>>> Jesus

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You Found Me

Footprints from yesterday washed off…swept away You looked underneath my hurt… Underneath the rubbles of hurricanes past Underneath my fears; only You saw my destiny …pulled me back into the light You found me Footprints from yesterday washed…swept away Now i can chose to walk where i didn’t before Now i have new memories to […]

Walking Back

Walked so hard to get here,

Where You are…where You’ll be in me

Walked and fell…fell and rose

And I’m still walking but now…

I’m walking back

I saw me in the mirror today…saw me staring back but…

That wasn’t really me

I was clothed in something

Something… divine I can’t really describe but deep down I know its traces of You I saw

And that’s why I gotta walk back…walk back to the world

I know I am not of the world, not anymore

Because a saving grace took hold of me…a saving grace so bright I want to walk back

Walk back and give it to the world

You walked through the murk to get to me

Now please help me walk back to get them

Keep me lit up so they can see You …so they can see all of You and none of me

I am not of the world, not anymore

But You sent me to it so Lord by Your light, guide me

Guide my heart to the harvest

Guide my heart to Your own

And while I’m at it Lord

Keep my heart…with every step, keep my heart

Because I’m walking back

It’s a dark, dreary place and a part of me is afraid the darkness will take me in

But I’m walking back not for me…

But because someone else walked back for me…because somehow, somewhere

There’s a soul waiting, waiting for me to walk back

While I’m at it Lord

Keep my heart…with every step, keep my heart

It’s a dark, dreary place and a part of me is afraid the darkness will take me in

But I’m walking back

©Ang’asa Malowa

Crucified to Sin, Raised to Go Back In

Maybe the call to holiness has kept you from eating with the tax collectors and sinners of your town, and in certain circumstances, that may be all well and good. But if we’re taking our cues from the Holy One of Israel made human, eating with tax collectors and sinners could be the very thing we’re called to do more of.

Christian holiness is not the avoidance of darkness at all costs. It includes going into the darkness, letting our Light shine without compromise, and bringing people back from the darkness by the power of God.

Jesus’s true followers are not only crucified to the world, but also raised to new life and sent back in to free others. Let’s die to every sinful desire in us for bad company, and yield to the holy impulse to befriend some of the world’s worst for Jesus’s sake.

Extract From True Holiness Befriends Sinners by David Mathis

First Steps

Journeys of a thousand miles each started with a first step

Each first step, I believe, started with a desire

A desire for something more…something that wasn’t

Something that was needed

And just as many journeys each started with first steps…so did this one

This journey, this life…my life

To acknowledge that I needed a savior was not because I thought myself unworthy…without value

But because I saw how much valuable I must be for one to give His own life to ensure mine was mine to live

To let go and let Him take over this life…my life

Was not because coercion broke me, not because horror gripped me…not because I sought salvage from eternal fires …eternal anguish

But because He said He has good plans for me…because He said He’ll always hold my hand, always have my back

But mostly because He overwhelmed me with such great love

Such great love I could not ignore

Not for fear, not because I felt this was the best way to hit the jackpot…He does offer a good deal 🙂

No…but,

Just because I needed something more…a relationship with one who would be my rock, my friend, my shield, my guide, my anchor…

He started out as the love I wanted for myself…now He is the love I need, I am, I will be

My first step was to tell Him I didn’t want to get to know Him because someone else wanted me to or something pushed me to…

But because I wanted , needed someone I could walk with through this

I acknowledged that He did trade His life for mine…that by His blood, He’d paid my ransom

I acknowledged that I needed Him to be part of me…I promised to let Him guide me

And so began a journey that spans about 5 years now

Is it a struggle? Of course it is…it’s not so easy to let someone else write the script and pick the casts for your own story

Is it hard? Sometimes…a lot of times it is

Salvation didn’t make me unhuman but just clothed me with a grace so thick not even I in all my confusion…and screw ups can cut through

So why do I stick to it…to Him?

Because He said He’d be there every step of the way

In the rain, in the sun…when I love Him, when I can’t stand Him…when I don’t understand, when I just am…

And He didn’t lie.

You can take the first step too and begin this…one of  journey of thousands of miles

By letting Christ be your all

©Ang’asa Malowa

There’s no formula to salvation apart from realizing that we are sinners and that Christ did die to redeem us, restore us to a relationship with God. Them accepting it, confessing it and believing that by His blood, we are new beings. This does not mean your past is erases (unfortunately). But it does mean that our minds have been renewed and that henceforth, we never walk alone. I don’t have all the answers but I can tell you that its one super interesting, very fulfilling journey. If you want to start this journey, want to get saved, here’s the little prayer made then. It’s not cast in stone, just a little guide so you can pray from your heart 🙂

‘Jesus, You loved me then…You love me now

Now I want to know You, have a relationship with You

Thank You for laying Your life for my own

Now I ask you to be my guide, my Lord, my all

By Your blood I believe all my transgressions are washed away

I believe that starting now, You are Lord over this life…my life

Starting now, I want to walk this life with You

In Jesus’ name I believe…amen’

Fast of Silence

The dawn birthed a new season…

an end to the streaming tears…to the thickest nights

I’d thought this was it…

Had i not prayed for it…waited long enough…?

I almost had it till i killed it

Till i un-spoke it…till with so many words…

I blacked out my light

I thought it was because i hadn’t prayed enough, so i prayed harder

…thought it was because i didn’t give enough, so i gave more

Didn’t know it was by my own hand that my future lay dead

…that my prayers stood unanswered

It was because my tongue…my words….my thoughts

It was because i couldn’t hold silent and wait…wait and watch…watch and see

See You come through

So Lord today, i make a vow to give a fast of silence

To still my thoughts, to speak not words that do not birth your presence

Even in the deepest valleys…i will not murmur, i will not speak death

I will give thanks and keep faith…i will speak life

So where You go…i’ll go

Where You stay…I’ll stay

I will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Not in rage…not in protest

Not unbowed…not with a heavy heart

This time, i will follow You in silence

Because my tongue sets fire to the waters

Because my tongue cancels out my days

…because my tongue…my tongue

My tongue paints a future i do not want to live

This time, I will keep my vow

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Even when the lightning crackles and the thunder booms…

even when the winds sweep me up away from You…

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

Like Your people around the walls of Jericho oh so long ago…

I will march around my walls all the while keeping my eyes,my heart, my faith…on You

I will hold my tongue and keep believing that on my seventh day…on that day

These walls will come tumbling down…and i will move in to the lands of my promise

…i will wait for You to usher me

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

26/7/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Imageseasons

Heart like Yours

Can’t quite explain how I felt when I saw…

Can’t quite relate what I saw…

All I remember is that you gave me your eyes for a flickering moment

And for that moment I saw my heart,

I saw what’s inside me

Can’t quite explain how I felt when I saw…

Can’t quite relate what I saw…

But what I’m certain of is that it’s not what I would have said my heart is had You asked before

It’s not what I knew I held inside

I thought I knew who I was…what I was but…

Now it’s clear I knew nothing

Here are the pieces of my heart

I know there’s some missing but…these are all I could find

You can have them all

I need another…a heart that’s pure, that’s true and whole

I need another heart to live

You said you came for the broken…show me where to queue

I’m broken.

Here are the pieces of my heart…these are all I could find

You have them, I can’t live on them no more

And please Lord…please

Gimme another heart

A heart that’s pure, that’s true

A heart that’s whole

Give me a heart like Yours.

©Ang’asaMalowa

1/6/12

 

 

 

 

 

 

# Search me

Beyond what veils my eyes

Beyond what shadows my soul

Beneath every though,every word

Before everything that i am becomes…

Only Your eyes can see

Between the nooks and the crevices

Under every stone unturned

Only Your eyes…Your eyes can see

I’m afraid of whats in my heart…

What it holds unspoken, unseen…what it hides from me

I say i love You, I know I love You, I trust my love for You

Its this heart i don’t wholly understand

This heart that makes me doubt what i can do

He loved you, said he’d die for you

but he hadn’t seen what went on inside for in the shadows of his little heart lurked fear

…beneath every thought, every word lay something he hadn’t seen

and just as You’d said he would

That heart that loved You denied You

not once…not twice…

Three times it claimed not to know the one it claimed…it said it loved

You see beyond what veils my eyes…

Beyond what shadows my soul

Search every thought, every word

search everything that i am for i’m afraid of what my heart hides from me

i love you and…

I don’t want anything that i am to lead me otherwise

Search me Lord…search me

Before the cock crows…search me

Search me Lord…search me

Search this heart of mine

Before the cock crows, search me.

21/5/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

John 13:37,38

S.P (Simon Peter) loved Him. He said it himself that he was ready to die for Him. He didn’t know  that his heart hid something from him…fear. For S.P, life was all good till what his heart hid popped up and it cost him a betrayal of his master. The guilt and pain that followed must have been devastating, he who was closest to Him denying him thrice.

I’m afraid my heart may be the same…loving yet hiding something from me. Doubt, fear,greater love for something else…i don’t know. Today i pray that He searches and cleans me out. I don’t want my heart tripping just when He needs me to stand, to speak, to say i ove Him. I don’t wanna deny the one i love.

…to where i’ll find You

I’d heard a lot about you

I’d heard that you loved those no one thought they could…

Clothed them and made them into someone free…someone clean…someone loved…someone that loved

I’d heard a lot about you

You who slay anyone that raised themselves against your own…

You who paved way where no one…nothing else had worked

You who protected, preserved, honored they that honored You

I’d heard a lot about you

I’d heard that you would bind my broken heart, heal my wounded soul

Give me new mercies every day…EVERY day

Bless me with love, joy, peace…with your presence

I’d heard a lot about you…so I came

Came to the place I had heard you dwell

Came to be with those you called your own…those you would use to guide me, keep me, cover me, embrace me

I came…but I couldn’t see

See those you said will have their arms wide open to welcome me home

I thought it was said you are love and so mirrors those that are in you?

I didn’t find those…all I got was a bunch ready to read me my rights and sentence me to a hell they deemed fit

All I met were those that led me to the back pews where I’d be hidden from sight

“I wouldn’t want to taint the name of their congregation now would I?” the sweet usher said

I had heard your word was indescribably sweet…but what flowed from this place

Was the ‘watered down, tailor made for the congregation’ type

I knew because I didn’t feel you urging my spirit like you had the night before

I knew because I felt a darkness poured over the house of light

I knew because I felt no love…and you’d told me that’s what you were

The last hymn sung, last prayer said I walked off quickly because I couldn’t see how I’d be led to fellowship when I knew no one would come close enough to hear me speak

I know I was filthy…but didn’t you wash me white as snow?

Why can’t they see…why can’t they feel…why, when I’d heard you were with them?

Walking back home, I spoke my heart

Lord, lead me to your house and let me enter with thanksgiving in my heart

Lord, teach them the love you have taught me

And Lord forgive me if I’m rush but…please lead me elsewhere

Beside still waters…lead me to Your house…lead me to where i’ll find You

Lead me home.

Now I trust and wait for Him to answer

And I know He will.

3/5/12

©Ang’asa Malowa

This is the story of a friend that felt her spirit urged to seek Him…seek Christ. The story of a friend who went to the one place she’d heard she’d find Him -church- only to find e wasn’t there. She went hoping to find the love He’d spoken of, the joy, the fellowship… but she found she was more alone there than she was at home.

If we, the body, don’t reach out to His people and that’s any man or woman despite their current or past state, are we really His? Thank God she didn’t give up on church altogether…though many have. Every Christian should learn that to be His is to be LOVE. His house should be filled with LOVE and His people should show LOVE first to Him by loving Him and honoring Him by preaching the true, undiluted word and then to others to faithfully love all He brings our way just as Christ Himself loved us.

If we are the body, why aren’t His arms reaching…why isn’t His heart loving??? Think about it, you can make a small difference in a large way. You’re a Christian? Be the love He made you to be.

# I LOVE YOU

Stand affirmed now and forever

That one thing stands true

I love you

You do nothing to make it so

Same way you can do nothing to make it not for you can never revert what is:

I love you

Settle that in your heart and let your mind roger that

Then let your spirit spring back to life

Even when you tire of me

Even when you doubt and forsake me

Even when you don’t think we’re worth more than a 5min pep talk before you hit the traffic every morning…

Even then…I still give you the strength you need

The strength you need for another day

Wonder why?

It’s all because I live you

That I love you means not I’m blind to your sin

…it means I’m ready to wash ‘em away

Make you white as snow, if you let me

That I love you means not I will bend the rules for you

For every principle you violate, you will still have to make amends

For every seed you sowed you’ll still reap a harvest

But this changes not what is true

Stand affirmed-even then-that I love you

That is why if you let me…if you ask

I will still be there to help you relearn…help you bear the consequences of your then

Help you start over…embrace your now

I love you

i LOVE you

i love YOU

Settle that in your heart today and watch the storm roll away

Watch the shadows dissipate in the light of my love

Stand affirmed now and forever

That one thing stands true

I LOVE YOU

© Ang’asa Malowa

1/5/12

Image

When Did I Stop Loving You???

When did I stop loving you?

Was it when I saw you walk away, farther from the light with each step

And still prayed for your return…still looked at the horizon

Hoping and praying I will see you in the distance

Coming back…coming home?

When did I stop loving you?

Maybe it was when your heart was broken

Broken because you lost the love you had

So broken you didn’t see that my hand was upon you even then

To ensure you stayed not in a season past…to make sure you stayed aligned to your purpose

Aligned to your call?

When did I stop loving you?

Perhaps when your friends were the thorns in your flesh

When you were all alone…left in the dark

And I stood with you when you couldn’t walk, carried you when your strength failed and sat with you when all you needed was rest?

When did I stop loving you?

Tell me when because I’m yet to see when my heart beat to a different rhythm

Than to love…my love for you

Tell me…

When did I stop loving you?

27/04/12

©Ang’asa Malowa

Just had one of those really bad days when the hurt, anger, bitterness and confusion were a tide so high it swept me away. I tried talking it out but the bile was too much to let go of. So I turned to the one person that’s always there this time not in thanksgiving or in joy but in a rage. See, I’d thought things were falling apart with only one logical reason: God was either having a blast taking me through this horror or He somehow just didn’t love m today. Today, He spoke so clearly and asked me more than I could write up. He reminded me of so much I’d let slip…reminded me that I need to knockout of my pain and think with my heart and my mind. He asked me when He stopped loving me…and I couldn’t answer because even in my rage I knew the truth. I knew He is love and that will never change. Now the seas are calmer and I’m taking a good look at my life and realizing that in many ways, it is true that someone stopped loving. And that someone was me. We ask Him when He stopped loving us when many times we’re the ones who should be answering that question.So as I rearrange my life and my priorities, as I work to find out when and why and how to fall back in love with Christ, I pray that He guides me. I can’t do this on my own. And I pray he guides you, like me, to realize He never stops loving us…but we do. And now we need to go back to when we loved Him like He loves us.