You do not give the heavy to the weak shoulders
I do not know what makes you think mine are strong more than half the time
I keep forgetting it’s not really about me
This strength I need comes from within for greater is He that is…
There are many things I now realize I have long forgotten
I need to remember
I need to remember…
That you are my peace – I do not create my own for what I need you have provided
That you are my strength – I should not lean on these walls…these walls that cave in
That you are the giver; laying tables before me
You are…
I need to remember that You are all I need
And that is enough
Stir my heart
Light a fire…blow away this cold
I need to feel you again
I need to hear you
I need to remember that You are
You are all I need

KK Sunsets

Leaning

It is becoming increasingly difficult
This leaning on everlasting arms
Because every once in an often while
I tumble over and realize I wasn’t really leaning on what I thought I was
I know the only way to let it out;
This fragrance kept so safely inside is like Mary –
To break this shell that holds it in
Yet often I’m afraid I’ve had it too long I forgo the value inside for the worth of the gates that hold it back
Mary understood what I have trouble remembering
That the box was to hold it all for just a while
That it became when its walls would let loose
I am afraid to break Lord
I am afraid
But You have not given me a spirit of fear
So help me find this strength You see in me
…this strength you leave in me
Because…
It is becoming increasingly difficult
This leaning on everlasting arms

Blown by the Wind

Where You go, I’ll go
Can’t really say that no more
See, the waves have swept away your footprints
Don’t know where You went…
Can’t even follow your scent
Must have been blown by the wind
Where You stay, I’ll stay
Wish I was that brave…
Brave enough to barge through them gates
You want me to stay… Your eyes so speak but…
They won’t let me in
Not looking like this they won’t
White as snow…
Fairytales are made of these
I know I can’t stay here
The tide’s running high
Can’t follow you there either
I could… I really would
But I can’t see far enough to take a step…
Where You go, I’ll go
Can’t really say that no more
See, the waves have swept away your footprints
Don’t know where You went…
Can’t even follow your scent
Must have been blown by the wind
I lost you…
I lost you…
Somewhere in between…
I lost you
I need You to find me

© Ang’asa Malowa

image

…Say it Again

“I have loved you…with an everlasting love.

With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself…

I know the plans I have for you,

Plans for good and not for disaster,

Plans to give you a future…

and a hope….”

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again.

© Ang’asa Malowa

Glass Wings

Glass Wings

Glass wings…
They could almost break…but they don’t
They could almost tear…but they won’t
Because He knew what they’d be up against
The winds, the storms, the scorching heat…
He knew…that’s why he made them delicately, strongly
That’s why He made you delicately, strongly
So that you too can bear the brunt
Whenever you start to drown…remember
Delicately, strongly
So you can soar above the storms.

© Ang’asa Malowa

Photos © Muthama Muthama

Speak

Could have burst at my seams

Could have drowned…wouldn’t have been someone to call out to

because I’d locked me up inside…

Inside a whirling mind, with clashing thoughts

Inside where hope feared to thrive because the my fears cast shadows too high

I could have drowned in my own self…

could have died trying to figure this out by myself

“Speak…Speak”

You said

But to whom…with whom…

So used to fighting my own battles that letting another soldier in to help me slay the dragons seemed…

Impossible.

“Speak…Speak”

You still said…said louder than i could unhear

Said again and again till my wall crashed down and i did…

Speak…Speak

Let out all my fears…

Let out all my doubts…

Cried out all my anguish, all the confusion, frustrations…

You said “Speak…Speak…”

…I’m glad i didn’t unlisten

My heart is yet to soar but it can now fly

because You delicately, strongly let me know what to do

You nudged me off the edge…and into Your arms

Speak…Speak

I may forget sometimes…please softly,loudly remind me

Nudge me back into Your arms

Draw me away from myself…

“Speak…Speak”

That’s what You will say…

I pray thee…gently,strongly… cause me to hear

Let me hear

© Ang’asa Malowa

Fast of Silence

The dawn birthed a new season…

an end to the streaming tears…to the thickest nights

I’d thought this was it…

Had i not prayed for it…waited long enough…?

I almost had it till i killed it

Till i un-spoke it…till with so many words…

I blacked out my light

I thought it was because i hadn’t prayed enough, so i prayed harder

…thought it was because i didn’t give enough, so i gave more

Didn’t know it was by my own hand that my future lay dead

…that my prayers stood unanswered

It was because my tongue…my words….my thoughts

It was because i couldn’t hold silent and wait…wait and watch…watch and see

See You come through

So Lord today, i make a vow to give a fast of silence

To still my thoughts, to speak not words that do not birth your presence

Even in the deepest valleys…i will not murmur, i will not speak death

I will give thanks and keep faith…i will speak life

So where You go…i’ll go

Where You stay…I’ll stay

I will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Not in rage…not in protest

Not unbowed…not with a heavy heart

This time, i will follow You in silence

Because my tongue sets fire to the waters

Because my tongue cancels out my days

…because my tongue…my tongue

My tongue paints a future i do not want to live

This time, I will keep my vow

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Even when the lightning crackles and the thunder booms…

even when the winds sweep me up away from You…

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

Like Your people around the walls of Jericho oh so long ago…

I will march around my walls all the while keeping my eyes,my heart, my faith…on You

I will hold my tongue and keep believing that on my seventh day…on that day

These walls will come tumbling down…and i will move in to the lands of my promise

…i will wait for You to usher me

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

26/7/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Imageseasons

Glow in the Dark

I need to see You but i can’t

Too many shadows…too little light

I stretch my hand out hoping my fingers will brush Yours

But all i get is…nothing

Thought You’d said you’ll always be near?

Thought You’d said you’ll always be here…

I wish You’d just glow in the dark

…so i’d see You, so i’d find You

I wish you’d just glow in the dark

So i’d stop tripping over trying to wade through the darkness…

Trying to find my way to You

I wish You’d just glow in the dark

For i need to see you but i can’t; Too many shadows…to little light

Too many shadows…to little light

© Ang’asa Malowa

18/6/12

He Watches Over You

The sunset takes my breath away

I look at it and see the beauty of the day that was

The promise of the night that will be

I see and marvel at the perfection that one hand could make

Each day…unfailingly

I see and think in awe of how much more

How much more that same hand will make beautiful

This life its holds dearer than any sunset i see

For He who watches over the sparrows…watches over me

Even more so for i am more like Him than any sparrow in flight

I know that He makes all things beautiful in His time…in its time

And just as the sunset cannot be at dawn or at noon…

Neither can the blossoms of my life bloom before their time…before their season

So do i worry…do i fret???

Yes. For though He holds my life in His hands

Sometimes my spirit is drowned by this body and this soul

And my mind seeks to be captain of this ship

But even in my worry…even when i fret

I seethe sunset…and it takes my breath away

I see and marvel at the perfection that one hand could make

Each day…unfailingly

I see and think in awe of how much more

How much more it would do…will do…for one it calls a friend

For one it calls a son

And right then, the smoke clears…i see again

And i feel secure.

© Ang’asa Malowa

25/03/12

Many are the times that we’ll move from faith to faith…from season to season. Many are the times that we’ll be stuck somewhere in between the two…between two worlds and many are the times voices will be heard…voices with fear, with doubt, voices within and without. I’ve been having that a lot lately seeing as I’m between seasons and for a while i couldn’t move no more because i was uncertain of the future, afraid to leave what is now my past. Till walking one day i saw the sunset and this hit me. ‘Be still and know that i am God…my eye is on the sparrow, know that I’m watching you…for you’re beyond its value…fear nothing, for i am with you.’ So i write this for you, for He speaks to me what He speaks to you today. 🙂