Walking Back

Walked so hard to get here,

Where You are…where You’ll be in me

Walked and fell…fell and rose

And I’m still walking but now…

I’m walking back

I saw me in the mirror today…saw me staring back but…

That wasn’t really me

I was clothed in something

Something… divine I can’t really describe but deep down I know its traces of You I saw

And that’s why I gotta walk back…walk back to the world

I know I am not of the world, not anymore

Because a saving grace took hold of me…a saving grace so bright I want to walk back

Walk back and give it to the world

You walked through the murk to get to me

Now please help me walk back to get them

Keep me lit up so they can see You …so they can see all of You and none of me

I am not of the world, not anymore

But You sent me to it so Lord by Your light, guide me

Guide my heart to the harvest

Guide my heart to Your own

And while I’m at it Lord

Keep my heart…with every step, keep my heart

Because I’m walking back

It’s a dark, dreary place and a part of me is afraid the darkness will take me in

But I’m walking back not for me…

But because someone else walked back for me…because somehow, somewhere

There’s a soul waiting, waiting for me to walk back

While I’m at it Lord

Keep my heart…with every step, keep my heart

It’s a dark, dreary place and a part of me is afraid the darkness will take me in

But I’m walking back

©Ang’asa Malowa

Crucified to Sin, Raised to Go Back In

Maybe the call to holiness has kept you from eating with the tax collectors and sinners of your town, and in certain circumstances, that may be all well and good. But if we’re taking our cues from the Holy One of Israel made human, eating with tax collectors and sinners could be the very thing we’re called to do more of.

Christian holiness is not the avoidance of darkness at all costs. It includes going into the darkness, letting our Light shine without compromise, and bringing people back from the darkness by the power of God.

Jesus’s true followers are not only crucified to the world, but also raised to new life and sent back in to free others. Let’s die to every sinful desire in us for bad company, and yield to the holy impulse to befriend some of the world’s worst for Jesus’s sake.

Extract From True Holiness Befriends Sinners by David Mathis

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…Say it Again

“I have loved you…with an everlasting love.

With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself…

I know the plans I have for you,

Plans for good and not for disaster,

Plans to give you a future…

and a hope….”

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again.

© Ang’asa Malowa

Glass Wings

Glass Wings

Glass wings…
They could almost break…but they don’t
They could almost tear…but they won’t
Because He knew what they’d be up against
The winds, the storms, the scorching heat…
He knew…that’s why he made them delicately, strongly
That’s why He made you delicately, strongly
So that you too can bear the brunt
Whenever you start to drown…remember
Delicately, strongly
So you can soar above the storms.

© Ang’asa Malowa

Photos © Muthama Muthama

Speak

Could have burst at my seams

Could have drowned…wouldn’t have been someone to call out to

because I’d locked me up inside…

Inside a whirling mind, with clashing thoughts

Inside where hope feared to thrive because the my fears cast shadows too high

I could have drowned in my own self…

could have died trying to figure this out by myself

“Speak…Speak”

You said

But to whom…with whom…

So used to fighting my own battles that letting another soldier in to help me slay the dragons seemed…

Impossible.

“Speak…Speak”

You still said…said louder than i could unhear

Said again and again till my wall crashed down and i did…

Speak…Speak

Let out all my fears…

Let out all my doubts…

Cried out all my anguish, all the confusion, frustrations…

You said “Speak…Speak…”

…I’m glad i didn’t unlisten

My heart is yet to soar but it can now fly

because You delicately, strongly let me know what to do

You nudged me off the edge…and into Your arms

Speak…Speak

I may forget sometimes…please softly,loudly remind me

Nudge me back into Your arms

Draw me away from myself…

“Speak…Speak”

That’s what You will say…

I pray thee…gently,strongly… cause me to hear

Let me hear

© Ang’asa Malowa

I Trust You

Winding paths are what have been my take

Now i feel like I’ve been following a trail to a place…

A place i did not believe…think i should be

I thought the Northern star would always point true

I thought You’re word would always guide me to…

But, is this it?Is this really the end of this road?

Lord, I don’t really understand

I thought we’d talked this over…thought You’d been listening now it seems…

You weren’t even there

This shouldn’t have been the light at the end of my tunnel…or should it?

Is this where You really want me to be?

I don’t get it..why here…why now?

Lord i don’t understand what You’re doing …

but i trust You

I trust that this is part of this life that You’re weaving…my life

I trust that You are my shepherd i shall not be in want

Even here where i do not know why i am…

For You, You will restore my soul

I trust that Your rod and Your staff will comfort me

Surely even here and now goodness and mercy shall follow me

and even though i don’t understand why here…why now

I will dwell in Your house

I will abide in the shadow of Your wings…

For even though to my eyes it seems You slay me…

Still i will TRUST You

Winding paths are what have been my take

Now i feel like I’ve been following a trail to a place…

I don’t get it..why here…why now?

Lord i don’t understand what You’re doing …

but i trust You

I TRUST You.

27/7/12

Fast of Silence

The dawn birthed a new season…

an end to the streaming tears…to the thickest nights

I’d thought this was it…

Had i not prayed for it…waited long enough…?

I almost had it till i killed it

Till i un-spoke it…till with so many words…

I blacked out my light

I thought it was because i hadn’t prayed enough, so i prayed harder

…thought it was because i didn’t give enough, so i gave more

Didn’t know it was by my own hand that my future lay dead

…that my prayers stood unanswered

It was because my tongue…my words….my thoughts

It was because i couldn’t hold silent and wait…wait and watch…watch and see

See You come through

So Lord today, i make a vow to give a fast of silence

To still my thoughts, to speak not words that do not birth your presence

Even in the deepest valleys…i will not murmur, i will not speak death

I will give thanks and keep faith…i will speak life

So where You go…i’ll go

Where You stay…I’ll stay

I will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Not in rage…not in protest

Not unbowed…not with a heavy heart

This time, i will follow You in silence

Because my tongue sets fire to the waters

Because my tongue cancels out my days

…because my tongue…my tongue

My tongue paints a future i do not want to live

This time, I will keep my vow

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Even when the lightning crackles and the thunder booms…

even when the winds sweep me up away from You…

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

Like Your people around the walls of Jericho oh so long ago…

I will march around my walls all the while keeping my eyes,my heart, my faith…on You

I will hold my tongue and keep believing that on my seventh day…on that day

These walls will come tumbling down…and i will move in to the lands of my promise

…i will wait for You to usher me

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

26/7/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Imageseasons

Chase my Dream

The sun is there…up in the sky

I wake up in the morning, i wash my face…brush my teeth

…and take off because there’s not much time left to take my cup of tea

I gotta rush out…gotta rush to chase my dream

I follow paths…follow plans…chase my dreams

and today…yesterday

I have the feeling I’ve been walking around in circles

Feels like I’ve walked here before, feels like I’ve felt this before

Feels like i shouldn’t be here anymore

Minutes blur and the days blow away to somewhere far,far away

Now the moon is there….up in the sky

Even in my dreams…i’m chasing my dream

Is this all it ever will be…

Feels like i’m locked up in a maze

Feels like i don’t understand what… where i’m meant to be

and its another day…

The sun is there…up in the sky

I wake up in the morning, i wash my face…brush my teeth…

and take some time to talk with You let You know i’m confused,I’m scared…i’m uncertain that its all gonna be well

Take some time to steer my eyes from the mountains this racy life brings up

Take some time to remember You hold my life in Your hands

I gear up my trust in You…be with me today…i need You here

Then i rush out..rush out to chase my dream.

23/7/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Sometimes chasing the dream life holds us hostage to same races, same routes…and sometimes in this same maze, we hit so many dead ends we wonder if we’re doing what we really ought to be doing. If we’re chasing after our own dreams or really chasing after someone elses. I hit a dead end yesterday and in the confusion and the uncertainty, i remembered there’s one who holds my world in His hands, one who knew me before i was, one who is the end, the beginning and the in between…and this same one holds my life. I heard one word;trust…TRUST. So today, that’s what i’m learning, that is what i pray i will be able to do.

Dancing in the Rain

The drops keep getting bigger…the wind keeps blowing wilder

Been taking shelter for so long

Been stuck right here for too long

Waiting…

Waiting for the rain to move

Waiting for some yellow in all this grey..

Waiting…waiting for the storm to pass

Waiting for the sun to shine again but…

I don’t think its gonna stop anytime soon…

The drops keep getting bigger…the wind keeps blowing wilder

Been taking shelter for so long

Been stuck right here for too long

I’ve almost forgotten what it feels to move

what it feels to walk again…

I’m tying up my laces now…pulling up my collar

I can’t beat this…i wish i could wave a wand but i’m afraid i can’t wish this away

can’t wish the rain away

But now i choose to move out of the shelter

Storms will always come…and they’ll always pass too no matter how long they last

They’re not gonna be here forever

So i won’t wait till i forget how to walk again…till this storm blows away

I’m tying up my laces now…pulling up my collar

I can’t beat this…i wish i could wave a wand but i’m afraid i can’t wish this away

can’t wish the rain away

…now i choose to move out of the shelter

Its still storming but this storm too shall pass

So i’mma get out of this shelter

and dance in the rain

I can’t beat this…i wish i could wave a wand but i’m afraid i can’t wish this away

can’t wish the rain away

but even this storm won’t take it all away…i won’t let it

Waited for the sun too long…

Today…i’mma dance in the rain

© Ang’asa Malowa

3/7/12

Glow in the Dark

I need to see You but i can’t

Too many shadows…too little light

I stretch my hand out hoping my fingers will brush Yours

But all i get is…nothing

Thought You’d said you’ll always be near?

Thought You’d said you’ll always be here…

I wish You’d just glow in the dark

…so i’d see You, so i’d find You

I wish you’d just glow in the dark

So i’d stop tripping over trying to wade through the darkness…

Trying to find my way to You

I wish You’d just glow in the dark

For i need to see you but i can’t; Too many shadows…to little light

Too many shadows…to little light

© Ang’asa Malowa

18/6/12