You Found Me

Footprints from yesterday washed off…swept away You looked underneath my hurt… Underneath the rubbles of hurricanes past Underneath my fears; only You saw my destiny …pulled me back into the light You found me Footprints from yesterday washed…swept away Now i can chose to walk where i didn’t before Now i have new memories to […]

…Say it Again

“I have loved you…with an everlasting love.

With unfailing love I have drawn you to myself…

I know the plans I have for you,

Plans for good and not for disaster,

Plans to give you a future…

and a hope….”

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again

I will say this to my heart…

I will say it over and over till it sticks,

and even when that is not enough… I will say it again.

© Ang’asa Malowa

Speak

Could have burst at my seams

Could have drowned…wouldn’t have been someone to call out to

because I’d locked me up inside…

Inside a whirling mind, with clashing thoughts

Inside where hope feared to thrive because the my fears cast shadows too high

I could have drowned in my own self…

could have died trying to figure this out by myself

“Speak…Speak”

You said

But to whom…with whom…

So used to fighting my own battles that letting another soldier in to help me slay the dragons seemed…

Impossible.

“Speak…Speak”

You still said…said louder than i could unhear

Said again and again till my wall crashed down and i did…

Speak…Speak

Let out all my fears…

Let out all my doubts…

Cried out all my anguish, all the confusion, frustrations…

You said “Speak…Speak…”

…I’m glad i didn’t unlisten

My heart is yet to soar but it can now fly

because You delicately, strongly let me know what to do

You nudged me off the edge…and into Your arms

Speak…Speak

I may forget sometimes…please softly,loudly remind me

Nudge me back into Your arms

Draw me away from myself…

“Speak…Speak”

That’s what You will say…

I pray thee…gently,strongly… cause me to hear

Let me hear

© Ang’asa Malowa

Fast of Silence

The dawn birthed a new season…

an end to the streaming tears…to the thickest nights

I’d thought this was it…

Had i not prayed for it…waited long enough…?

I almost had it till i killed it

Till i un-spoke it…till with so many words…

I blacked out my light

I thought it was because i hadn’t prayed enough, so i prayed harder

…thought it was because i didn’t give enough, so i gave more

Didn’t know it was by my own hand that my future lay dead

…that my prayers stood unanswered

It was because my tongue…my words….my thoughts

It was because i couldn’t hold silent and wait…wait and watch…watch and see

See You come through

So Lord today, i make a vow to give a fast of silence

To still my thoughts, to speak not words that do not birth your presence

Even in the deepest valleys…i will not murmur, i will not speak death

I will give thanks and keep faith…i will speak life

So where You go…i’ll go

Where You stay…I’ll stay

I will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Not in rage…not in protest

Not unbowed…not with a heavy heart

This time, i will follow You in silence

Because my tongue sets fire to the waters

Because my tongue cancels out my days

…because my tongue…my tongue

My tongue paints a future i do not want to live

This time, I will keep my vow

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

Even when the lightning crackles and the thunder booms…

even when the winds sweep me up away from You…

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

Like Your people around the walls of Jericho oh so long ago…

I will march around my walls all the while keeping my eyes,my heart, my faith…on You

I will hold my tongue and keep believing that on my seventh day…on that day

These walls will come tumbling down…and i will move in to the lands of my promise

…i will wait for You to usher me

I will speak only if i will speak of You…of Your faithfulness…of Your power

I will follow You…yes, i will follow you

Silently, i will follow You

I will keep a fast of silence

26/7/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Imageseasons

Here I Am

Its been weighing on my mind…

How I can stay pure…how I can be only Yours

See, I have been running this race but this season;

I don’t wanna be the same no more…don’t wanna leave as was

So here I am, as I am

Restore me to You…to You alone

Here I am, as I am

Align me to Your will…Your will alone

My lord, here I am

Here I am, as I am

Restore me

Rebuild me

Renew me

Reform me

This season…

I don’t wanna be the same no more

Here I am, as I am

Potter, mold and make what I am into what You want…what You need

What You will use

My Lord, here I am

Here I am, as I am

 6/6/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

Heart like Yours

Can’t quite explain how I felt when I saw…

Can’t quite relate what I saw…

All I remember is that you gave me your eyes for a flickering moment

And for that moment I saw my heart,

I saw what’s inside me

Can’t quite explain how I felt when I saw…

Can’t quite relate what I saw…

But what I’m certain of is that it’s not what I would have said my heart is had You asked before

It’s not what I knew I held inside

I thought I knew who I was…what I was but…

Now it’s clear I knew nothing

Here are the pieces of my heart

I know there’s some missing but…these are all I could find

You can have them all

I need another…a heart that’s pure, that’s true and whole

I need another heart to live

You said you came for the broken…show me where to queue

I’m broken.

Here are the pieces of my heart…these are all I could find

You have them, I can’t live on them no more

And please Lord…please

Gimme another heart

A heart that’s pure, that’s true

A heart that’s whole

Give me a heart like Yours.

©Ang’asaMalowa

1/6/12

 

 

 

 

 

 

Unspoken

Mine is a journey of one constant and many variables

And because of the latter, the equations seldom balance yet constantly I have seen them fall and crumble….

Watched them cancel out in the might of the former…

My one constant-He

Mine is a race with one constant price, one constant route and many hurdles

and…I know that many watch

Lord, irrespective of who stands by the lines of this race

This is my prayer:

May those that remember my days be compelled to glorify You

You that raises me, You that qualifies me beyond what any man could do…You that gives me hope

May those that hear me be stirred to focus on the dream giver more than the dreams I give; for every word I’ll have used to paint that picture will not have been my own

For what it’s worth Lord, I know they’ll recount my loses more than my gains

May those that remember my sin count the blessings therein more

Let them speak of what You did to make this broken heart whole

…to heal this mind plagued with the torments of a life past, the future unknown

…to still this heart till it learnt to trust again

Let them speak Lord if they’ll speak more of You

Let my name go unspoken

Let Yours alone be remembered…be revered

Lord, let my name go unspoken

Let them exalt and give honor to whom it is due

To Your name, may this life…my life

Bring honor…bring blessing…bring joy…bring glory

Lord, when they speak of me…

Let my name go unspoken

27/5/12

©Ang’asa Malowa 

Buried but Alive

Six feet under…

Pushed down beneath the weight of all the cover

Beaten to submission or simply hidden in the farthest corners

Far from reach…far from sight

These thoughts i knew i could have no more, these feelings i knew i should bar

These people, these places i felt i should keep away

Keep away if i wanted to live this life,wanted to walk this path

Keep away if i wanted to live with You…with You in me

I forgot that hidden doesn’t equal to no longer existent

Didn’t think that i’d only let the hibernate…grow stronger, grow wilder

Just waiting for their season to awaken

I didn’t know they were buried but still very alive

Didn’t remember just like any problems

My addictions needed rehab to get over…my faults needed filling

My heart needed mending,my mind formatting and my soul…

That needed some more lightbulbs to flood the dark away

I thought reading Your word…praying…going to church and serving

I thought those were the remedies…as long as i kept my unrequired desires locked away

Buried off deep inside

I buried them alright, but they still breathed

and now i’m overwhelmed because they’re waking up and i don’t know what to do

How to deal with what they make me become

Lord…i tell you this:I need your help…i need rehab and i need it fast

Teach me that word and prayer will only push me so far into your prescence

If i continue to ignore issues i need to deal with, bury pieces i that need mending or hoarding stuff that i need to let go

Teach me to be as practical as You were

You need me to work on my weaknesses and not run away from my faults…not hide them by hiding behind your word

Teach me that you do not need a reader of your word…a minister, a worshipper

Who’s in your courts hiding her brokennes, her hurt, her dirt

You desire that i dig out what is killing me from inside

So you may help me heal…so you may be my all

Lord, teach me to be true to me, to You

I don’t wanna bury my weaknesses any more, i wanna deal with them

Don’t need them buried but alive

Don’t want them to kill me from inside

Help me see, help me open up, help me learn

Help me understand that buried desires, thoughts, feelings..

Anything I keep from You… keeps me from You

Help me.

19/5/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

being a christian doesn’t mean we cease to be human…we still have weaknesses to work on, realities to embrace, lots to learn and vices to let go of just like everybody else. It doesn’t help to dive into ministry, fellowship, His word…if its only as a means to run away from facing the reality that is: we need to work on dealing with issues, not burying them.

No one quit drinking by pretending they never did-at least no one i know. We all have something we need to work on but keep burying in the hopes that it’ll go away…its buried but still alive and it will wake up someday. So deal with it now. Being christian exempts no one from living life as human, it just gives the grace to help us live it.

Are you a christian?Dig out those buried living issues and seek help if need be, work on them. Be abetter you not just for yourself and the people you love but for Him who did all He could to ensure you’re not ashamed or afraid to admit and accept your weakness, because that’s the first step to building your strengths. Think about it 🙂

just read this and it got me writing this 🙂 so please check it out 🙂 http://www.fabsharford.com/?p=1032

Resolution Crunch

It’s about that time

When the ‘I shall’s get a maybe added just before

When our realities fight so hard to kill

That which we’d purposed to be and do different this new season

The resolution crunch is here

The psych of the ‘happy new year’ dims and in the light of what is

Many resolutions are dying…or are dead and gone

I know we stuck by our lists for the first few days only to have them altered and scraped as time moved on

I know we’ve failed to honor some…and for those we have tried

Sometimes we’ve fallen short too

If my ‘I shall exercise and eat healthier’ fluctuations are anything to go by

I’m sure someone has been there too

So what’s next?

Well, I don’t know what you’ll do…but i choose to keep at it

I choose to repsych myself and stick to what I said I wanna do this year…what I wanna change

Because the reason I said I’ll do them still stands

I saw my end from my beginning and if these are what’s gonna take me there

I’m pressing on

The New Year’s gone…but the new season is still here

I don’t wanna miss out on this season….I don’t wanna miss out on my season   

So I’mma read through my list…

And wake up to take whatever tiny step I can to achieve what’s on it

The resolution crunch is here…

But I refuse to let the death of the ‘Happy New Year’

Be the death of my season

So help me keep at them…your resolutions mean a lot to you too

Don’t let the crunch hit you…bounce back

The New Year’s gone…but the new season is still here

28.01.12

All rights reserved ©Ang’asa Malowa

Walk Away

There are times when we have to make a choice…

A choice to be…to live…to laugh again

And when they come

I pray today that you have the strenght to walk away

From the voices that doubt you…make you doubt yourself

From the chances that failed you….or still are

Theres something new waiting to be birthed…but first you gotta walk away

And walk into your chance…your opportunities…your new mercies

Walk away from the pests that feed from your stalk…that eat away your support…that eat away your life

Walk away from the feeling of fear and of doubt

From the memories of what was that keep you tied down…keep you held up in the shadows

Make the choice not to eat up your future by wallowing in the puddles of your present…of your past

He grants new mercies every day

You have life…you have His love…you have a destiny to fulfill

But you won’t reap the harvest if you don’t plant some seeds

Walk away from that which anchors you in the dark…

Break free from the shackles that hold you down

Walk away…walk away

There are times when we have to make a choice…

A choice to be…to live…to laugh again

And when they come

I pray today that you have the strenght to walk away

And the faith to believe that He’s with you every step of the way

23.01.12

all rights reserved  ©Ang’asa Malowa

We miss out on so much in life because we’re scared to walk away from something…our past, failures, abusive partners, unhealthy friendships…you name it. I can bet we all have something we know we don’t need, we know doesn’t help but we’re still there. Well time will cause us to face the facts as are and then give us the chance to make a choice. So today i pray that when that day..that time comes, He ay grant you the strenght and the grace, the faith to believe that you can walk away. Only when you walk away from the darkness…will we see the light. There’s some sunshine waiting to hit your life but first, you gotta choose to walk away.