Before the Rules

Long before You carved Your word in stone

…before You drew the lines

Set apart the grey from the black and white…

Long before the heart of amn required blinds so it would stick to its course

…reins so it would not wander away

Long before the rules:

Only You had our hearts

Only You had our minds

Only You had our souls

But time brought the thief that took away that joy…

Brought the one who raised the knife that ripped our spirits from Yours

Time brought the fire that burned the bridges that held our hearts as one

Before thr rules…

We knew no one else…we never stepped out

I knew not that time but me thinks it was a beautiful time to be

For now even with your word etched in my heart, i still find ways  to wander

I still manage to grieve the one my heart beats for

Many times i wish i was in that time…

That time when You’d walk with me through the gardens…

That time when my heart, my mind, my soull would know no oter

That time…before the rules

but wishes are what dreams are made of

and from dreams…i will always have to wake

I desire to know You like they did

To love, honor and obey without doubt or question just as it was before the rules

You’re the only one that remains from that time

The only one that can teach me to build our relationship so

as strong, as close, as true as it was before the rules

For even with Your voice echoing in the wind…your writing on the walls of my heart

I’m afraid i still step out

Lord teach me to live, love,honor…build my relationship with You

Make us as strong as we would have been

Before the rules.

27/5/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

In many ways, I envy what Adam and Eve had before the whole apple scandal. Unlimited, 101, uninterrupted fellowship with the one true God…whoa! How awesome must that have been? Right now there’s so many hurdles to jump over just to get 4 minutes with Him and to think once before, all one had was time and God…God and time. I yearn for what they had before the rules came up. That’s my prayer this week: that He may draw me as close, speak to me as clear, and teach me as often as He would have…before the rules. Amen.

Buried but Alive

Six feet under…

Pushed down beneath the weight of all the cover

Beaten to submission or simply hidden in the farthest corners

Far from reach…far from sight

These thoughts i knew i could have no more, these feelings i knew i should bar

These people, these places i felt i should keep away

Keep away if i wanted to live this life,wanted to walk this path

Keep away if i wanted to live with You…with You in me

I forgot that hidden doesn’t equal to no longer existent

Didn’t think that i’d only let the hibernate…grow stronger, grow wilder

Just waiting for their season to awaken

I didn’t know they were buried but still very alive

Didn’t remember just like any problems

My addictions needed rehab to get over…my faults needed filling

My heart needed mending,my mind formatting and my soul…

That needed some more lightbulbs to flood the dark away

I thought reading Your word…praying…going to church and serving

I thought those were the remedies…as long as i kept my unrequired desires locked away

Buried off deep inside

I buried them alright, but they still breathed

and now i’m overwhelmed because they’re waking up and i don’t know what to do

How to deal with what they make me become

Lord…i tell you this:I need your help…i need rehab and i need it fast

Teach me that word and prayer will only push me so far into your prescence

If i continue to ignore issues i need to deal with, bury pieces i that need mending or hoarding stuff that i need to let go

Teach me to be as practical as You were

You need me to work on my weaknesses and not run away from my faults…not hide them by hiding behind your word

Teach me that you do not need a reader of your word…a minister, a worshipper

Who’s in your courts hiding her brokennes, her hurt, her dirt

You desire that i dig out what is killing me from inside

So you may help me heal…so you may be my all

Lord, teach me to be true to me, to You

I don’t wanna bury my weaknesses any more, i wanna deal with them

Don’t need them buried but alive

Don’t want them to kill me from inside

Help me see, help me open up, help me learn

Help me understand that buried desires, thoughts, feelings..

Anything I keep from You… keeps me from You

Help me.

19/5/12

© Ang’asa Malowa

being a christian doesn’t mean we cease to be human…we still have weaknesses to work on, realities to embrace, lots to learn and vices to let go of just like everybody else. It doesn’t help to dive into ministry, fellowship, His word…if its only as a means to run away from facing the reality that is: we need to work on dealing with issues, not burying them.

No one quit drinking by pretending they never did-at least no one i know. We all have something we need to work on but keep burying in the hopes that it’ll go away…its buried but still alive and it will wake up someday. So deal with it now. Being christian exempts no one from living life as human, it just gives the grace to help us live it.

Are you a christian?Dig out those buried living issues and seek help if need be, work on them. Be abetter you not just for yourself and the people you love but for Him who did all He could to ensure you’re not ashamed or afraid to admit and accept your weakness, because that’s the first step to building your strengths. Think about it 🙂

just read this and it got me writing this 🙂 so please check it out 🙂 http://www.fabsharford.com/?p=1032

When Did I Stop Loving You???

When did I stop loving you?

Was it when I saw you walk away, farther from the light with each step

And still prayed for your return…still looked at the horizon

Hoping and praying I will see you in the distance

Coming back…coming home?

When did I stop loving you?

Maybe it was when your heart was broken

Broken because you lost the love you had

So broken you didn’t see that my hand was upon you even then

To ensure you stayed not in a season past…to make sure you stayed aligned to your purpose

Aligned to your call?

When did I stop loving you?

Perhaps when your friends were the thorns in your flesh

When you were all alone…left in the dark

And I stood with you when you couldn’t walk, carried you when your strength failed and sat with you when all you needed was rest?

When did I stop loving you?

Tell me when because I’m yet to see when my heart beat to a different rhythm

Than to love…my love for you

Tell me…

When did I stop loving you?

27/04/12

©Ang’asa Malowa

Just had one of those really bad days when the hurt, anger, bitterness and confusion were a tide so high it swept me away. I tried talking it out but the bile was too much to let go of. So I turned to the one person that’s always there this time not in thanksgiving or in joy but in a rage. See, I’d thought things were falling apart with only one logical reason: God was either having a blast taking me through this horror or He somehow just didn’t love m today. Today, He spoke so clearly and asked me more than I could write up. He reminded me of so much I’d let slip…reminded me that I need to knockout of my pain and think with my heart and my mind. He asked me when He stopped loving me…and I couldn’t answer because even in my rage I knew the truth. I knew He is love and that will never change. Now the seas are calmer and I’m taking a good look at my life and realizing that in many ways, it is true that someone stopped loving. And that someone was me. We ask Him when He stopped loving us when many times we’re the ones who should be answering that question.So as I rearrange my life and my priorities, as I work to find out when and why and how to fall back in love with Christ, I pray that He guides me. I can’t do this on my own. And I pray he guides you, like me, to realize He never stops loving us…but we do. And now we need to go back to when we loved Him like He loves us.

#LOVE

What would you say love is?

That came up yesterday as a bunch of us argued what all the Valentine fuss is about he he he!

I would say love is many things

and He concurs

The word teaches that love is patient,love is kind…

Yesterday’s conversation had a lot of opinions and fact fighting

But one thing struck me

Love is…not a choice

Contradicting , huh???

What i mean is that…we should love

Not because someone does what we want…how we want something done

Not because someone agrees with my choices or makes those i deem fit

Not because…not because…

Love is not a choice

Because we should love…not because but just because…

Everyone needs love…

Love is…

Loving  just because…

We know love…We receive love…and to whom much is given…

Give and it comes back to you

Love is not a choice

So…love…love…and love some more

Because Christ loved us enough to show

We need to love just because…

#LOVE

©Ang’asa Malowa

15.02.12

Travels of a Heart

The heart has been known to seek what it may

So be careful what it seeks

For out of it comes…flows the issues of life

For what it will crave, it will find

What it will find, it will have

And what it will have…it will give

The pursuits of love, revenge, escape…peace

Many are the travels of a heart

Remember…though it goes far and wide

It is still your own

And as the spirit of a prophet is subject to him…so is his heart

It crosses no boundaries we do not allow it to

And just as with each journey comes gain…or not

So are there results…seen or unseen…of that gathered

By a hearts’ experiences collected over journeys past

The travels of a heart maketh a man as he is

Everyone is as a result of accumulated experiences…travels

So be careful not to let it tread on roughed up seas….

Where the journey will leave it torn, hurt and bleeding

But let it tread instead…always

On the green pastures that restore a soul

Remember that the heart is your own…

And only one is given

Guard it with all diligence

That’s the only way it’ll gain life

The only way we will gain life…

From the travels of a heart.

10/12/11

all rights reserved  ©Ang’asa Malowa

 

Love Again

I feel like…

I gave a part of me I can never get back

Pieces of my heart missing I can’t retrace

The vial of my soul lies clear

Nothing inside…nothing

I feel like I gave a part of me I can never get back

The essence of what I am…

Late night phone calls…unending chat streams

No one ever told me I’m your mystery

Yours to unfold…yours alone

Hands on…hands off

Crushing hugs…crashing hearts

With starts that didn’t stop

With fires I started but couldn’t control

I feel like I gave a part of me I can never get back

Never my body…always my mind

My thoughts…my emotions

And sometimes…sometimes

I didn’t know I had, not until I didn’t have

Maybe then it would have been easier to reclaim my heart

Leave unshattered if I’d had heard of guarding my heart with all diligence as out of it flows the issues of life

Never thought that intimacy was so much more than skin on skin

All I was told was to guard my virginity…they never mentioned my vulnerabilities

I built protective walls

Only they had gaps big enough for the little foxes to creep in

And destroy my vineyard

And now you want me to love you

How can I…if I’m not even sure I love myself?

Lord, Restore me to love…restore me to me

Then…maybe then

I can love you like you love me.

17/08/11

all rights reserved to the poet © Ang’asa Malowa