118

It’s better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in man

it is better to take refuge in the Lord

than to trust in princes

The Lord id my strength and my song – 

He has become my salvation 

I will not die but live…live and proclaim what the Lord has done

I will give you thanks for You have answered me

You have become my salvation

The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone

The Lord has done this and it is marvellous in my sight

This is the day that He has made

I will rejoice…I will be glad

The Lord is God

he has made His light shine upon me

To You Lord, i give thanks

You are my god and i will exalt you

Give thanks to the Lord

His love endures forever.

Psalms 118

So Much More

There’s always some yellow in the grey

Always a flicker in the embers

Always a stream in the desert

Trouble is

Just as things are not always as they seem

Neither are they

Great mountains take more than days to scale

Precious ores take more than years to find

…even more to reach

and so sometimes it takes a little more than looking to see

takes so much more than chasing to find

sometimes…sometimes

it takes more than want

it takes raw need just to see

There’s always some yellow in the grey

Just to know

There’s always a flicker in the embers

Just to believe

There’s always a stream in the desert

Trouble is

Just as things are not always as they seem

Neither are they

It’ll take more than looking to see

More than wanting to have

More…sometimes it takes more

More than I think I can

So much more

*Sigh

© Ang’asa Malowa 

 

 

 

101 | Believe

Me | “You are the Light of the World

I believe You…i know you are

But i run and hide 

I cringe every time You say i am…i am the light of the world too

You…You are His Son, You are…You

Me…?

I don’t trust who i am more than half the time

How can i be what you say i am when i know…

I know who i am…”

Him | I am the light of the world

I am the Son

I am 

And so are You because what i was…what i am

I gave to You

I gave it all to You

You say you can’t be because you know who you be 

So easily you forget that when You let me in, I met you…

I saw you, i loved you

and i know you what you are…You are a new creature

You are the light

You may not always see you as such so when that time comes

When you’re heart wants to believe war your mind tells you can’t be

Look through my eyes and see

See who you are

Because all i am i gave away

all i am i gave to you.

When you can’t see…believe

because i’m not a man that i should lie”

© Ang’asa Malowa

Still Me

One lessons rolls into another…

Its like i’m on a train with no stops

No stops because it doesn’t count if you’re only off long enough to catch the next

because missing the next…

now that’s another post altogether

Half the time i’m secure in Your love

the other half i’m the half crazed, starved, wide-eyed girl begging for scraps at the corner of East and West

I trust You can see far enough for the both of us – half the time

The other half…I’m stalking your every thought hoping i’ll see something beyond the colour on the stained glass windows

the windows keeping me from seeing right through the feel into the what is

and now…just now i’m tired, just tired

*sigh

I’m tired of being the girl on tiptoes craving to see just but a glimpse of what’s going on inside

instead of being

when inside is the life i’m supposedly living…or am i?

I trust You

Its just not as easy as i’d thought, this free-fall living

…many times but not always

See, You said when i am weak, then You are strong

If there ever was a time when i needed that – it is now

Only i can’t bring myself to lean on You…

You said when i am weak, then You are strong

See through my confused rage and fight me to hold me

All i need just now is to be still, to be silent

But somehow i can’t…

You are strong

You are strong

Hold me still for a minute

Cause me to lean on You

Cause me to be still and know that You are

Cause this right here ain’t living – it doesn’t count to get through days and have little else

I can’t live this way…

Still me Lord…

Still me

© Ang’asa Malowa

Imani

Curtains falling…

Its time to take a bow – at least for today

At least for now

And my heart beats faster because now I don’t know what to do

What next Lord…what next?

I’m a sucker for new beginnings but this time

This time I’m afraid to hope

Afraid that my hope will crash me

Afraid that this time, this crash will kill me

Curtains are falling Lord, the audience is applauding

Its time to take a bow but its not time yet

I don’t wanna leave this stage

I don’t know where to go next

My heart’s racing yet still my feet won’t move

I’m inhaling but I still can’t breathe

Its time Lord

Its time

All I wanna know is…

Time for what?

Curtains are falling…lights are dimming

Just five minutes Lord, just five more

Please…don’t let it be the last call

I don’t…

I don’t know where to go.

© Ang’asa Malowa

The New Year’s almost here and for the past couple of days, I’ve been ‘planning’ the what next – only I’m still staring at blank pages. *breathes out  This year has been tough and amazing almost in equal measure. I’m grateful for alot, yet even then, bleeding from so much. I know I need to get things into perspective and I think that’s where I’m wrong.  I trust in me too much. I don’t know why but it always seems like I lock Him out when I need Him the most. I have no idea what the New Year will bring, and looking at the scars from this one I’m tempted not to hope but I’m reminded of my now favorite word – imani (faith). I see nothing yet and though I feel heavy, I will stir my heart to believe in the unseen again.

By the blood of his Son, God has promised infallibly:

1. I will meet all your needs according to my riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19).

2. My power will be made perfect in weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

3. I will strengthen you and help you and hold you up with my righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).

4. I will never leave you nor forsake you (Hebrews 13:5).

5. I will not let any testing befall you for which I do not give you grace to bear (1 Corinthians 10:13).

6. I will take the sting away from your death with the blood of my son (1 Corinthians 15:55f).

7. I will raise you from the dead imperishable (1 Corinthians 15:52).

8. I will transform your lowly body to be like my glorious body, by the power that enables me even to subject all things to myself (Philippians 3:21).

I will do this without fail because I am absolutely sovereign over everything and therefore, I can do all things, and no purpose of mine can be thwarted (Job 42:2).

So even though I’m weary, I will trust that even as the curtains fall, even as the chapter turns, it is well with me because my father says so and His word hasn’t failed me yet. Thats what i’ll believe.

 

I read it once Read that at the very end of the rainbow At the very end I’d find my big break My big break I read it once So I walked on And then I ran some Always kept my eyes on the colors Always looking out for the end Keeping my eyes on […]

I Crmile…

I’ve cried because I hurt

I drowned … with each tear sinking deeper

I only knew how deep I’d gone when You pulled me out

I’ve cried because I’d heard of the rugged cross

Had heard of the nails, the cross, the son of man come to save

…soul for soul

Cried because then I knew you loved deeper than I could ever sink

Sometimes I cried because I couldn’t feel no rain…just sun, just sun

and for that while, I craved for the rubbles

Craved for the waters than sucked me in

…at least with the water I knew what would be

for that moment, I wanted for the paths I’d walked

I know they led to nowhere but at least I knew that…knew something

Here all I saw wasn’t enough

All I heard is trust…all I heard is You whisper me back to faith

I cried because I was beaten and worn

I cried because even then…I still could smile

Because I didn’t need to put up no show

When I was weak, You have been strong…You are strong

I heard a song today…it said

Further along ,I will understand

Further along I will understand

So I lean even harder on You

Trust even more so that when I am weak, You are strong

I have cried…oh I have

And with every tear now I sink not

With every tear I speak

Heart to heart…mine to Yours

So I smile…and I cry 

I crmile

 

© Ang’asa Malowa

 

Image

 

Pretty on the Outside…

Pretty on the outside

That’s the theme passed out …right?

I must’a missed out because last time I was here

Last time…

I knew I could come as I was

Because we are the body

Our arms were reaching

So…when did the beat change?

When did the lyrics start drawing men to themselves instead of lifting the light on the hill…that men may see

That He may draw men to Himself

Pretty on the outside huh?

I must’a missed the memo

…perhaps…maybe, that’s why you turned me out?

Because I didn’t have my church clothes on?

I thought I was home

Thought I could finally rest and let the living waters flow, feed this parched soul

I see now I was wrong but hey…hey

It’s all good

I wouldn’t have fit in there anyway

So yeah, I’mma move on

I will go till I find where His spirit is the key…

Not how high an amen can go…

Not how pretty I can get my act up…how well I can hide the shadows killing me inside

I will walk, yes, I will walk

Would rather bleed than be a whitewashed tomb

so pretty that no one can see my inside

…where dead men’s bones pile up

…where its nothing but clean

I will walk, yes, i will walk

To where His light isn’t toned down to a glow on the pulpit

Glows that never reach the corners

Corners stuck in themes

Themes that creep up…

Build up till even that little light we can’t see

I will walk

And with every step I will pray that sometime, y’all will get up and walk too

Walk till you get where You find Him…

Pretty on the outside

I must’a missed the memo

And no, I don’t wanna keep up

I will walk

Even if I bleed, I will walk

Even when I fall, I will get up and walk

And with every step I will pray

Pray that y’all with step out and walk too

To His themeless light

To His presence

Where it’s not…never about the church clothes

How pretty you can get on the outside

Where He makes us all pretty on the inside

Pretty on the inside

Then pretty on the outside too

Ang’asa Malowa

20/11/13